Skies of blue streak crimson
Bruised hearts shriek crimson
Doused in your chloroform
colour my creek crimson
Sacred touch, cursed love,
silenced skins speak crimson
Emboldened eyes resign,
searing sins wreak crimson
In the pale moonlight, Memories
unravel in the bleak, crimson
I like the idea of using crimson as the word in focus throughout the ghazal. For me, when I read it, it adds this menacing texture to the whole poem which I'm drawn by. In addition, I like how short and succinct the lines are, and your word choice helps the reader realise the meaning of the same without sacrificing on the brevity of said lines.
ReplyDeleteI do have one suggestion for word replacement, though. In the fourth couplet, what if you used reek instead of wreak? Considering that we're talking about sins, I believe that would work better than wreak, which will also make the rhyme less forced when the poem is read out.