Hi!
I have a thought. Just something up on my mind.
But first, I wanna know,
Can I say that?
I wrote a poem, I've made a song,
But just so you know, for the sake of consent,
Can I play That?
Would someone mind if I speak mind out loud
because I still am not aware if the practice is allowed.
Don't worry, I'm not you, I won't shout
Just hear it once, and you will know what it is about.
You know, once in a while, sometimes at night,
I speak up, practice my fundamental right.
But then I switch to whispering and then I go dumb,
I am sorry, but now I can't trust even the moonlight.
Can I, just for once, say freedom, can I?
I won't yell it, I'll just say it, to none but myself,
so I would know that it is but an illusion ... oh wait,
First tell me, Can I even say that?
I have a thought. Just something up on my mind.
But first, I wanna know,
Can I say that?
I wrote a poem, I've made a song,
But just so you know, for the sake of consent,
Can I play That?
Would someone mind if I speak mind out loud
because I still am not aware if the practice is allowed.
Don't worry, I'm not you, I won't shout
Just hear it once, and you will know what it is about.
You know, once in a while, sometimes at night,
I speak up, practice my fundamental right.
But then I switch to whispering and then I go dumb,
I am sorry, but now I can't trust even the moonlight.
Can I, just for once, say freedom, can I?
I won't yell it, I'll just say it, to none but myself,
so I would know that it is but an illusion ... oh wait,
First tell me, Can I even say that?
I like the topic you've chosen, and the irony behind the fact that you're using the medium of poetry to express your frustration at not being able to express yourself enough. I also like the play on words in the first line of the second stanza.
ReplyDeleteComing back to the overall impression of the poem, I get the sense that the poem tries to explain what it's talking about a little too much, and that it would be quite better if you just attempt to rework the poem in a way that it allows the reader to interpret its meaning rather than be explicitly told of the same.
Sorry that I can't be more specific in my review of this poem.
It's a wonderful poem! Shows how much our freedom of speech has been clasped down by the society, but you have done it in a satirical way, and not by pointing any fingers. The only thing I would like to change is the line breakage of the first stanza. But otherwise , a great poem.
ReplyDelete